Tip #7: “Popularity” is crap; don’t waste your time.
Interesting excerpt from this article about popularity in school:
“What makes kids outcasts in school—usually an unwillingness to conform—often translates into success as an adult. Many companies—including Yahoo!—prioritize hiring quirky individuals who shun conventional thinking. When you grow up, you see that the most popular kids aren’t necessarily the ones who come out on top, but you don’t understand that when you’re 11. Social science researchers are emphatic that it doesn’t guarantee adoration, either. ‘Being popular is not necessarily about being well-liked,’ says journalist Alexandra Robbins, who studied school society for her book The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth. ‘It’s more about clawing your way to the top of the social hierarchy and then working your tail off to stay there.'”
Translation: There’s no need to peak in high school.
Sex can be a part of love and love can be a part of sex, but one does not automatically equal the other. Thinking that having sex with someone will make them love you is not a reality. And someone telling you, “If you love me, you’ll have sex with me” is pure manipulation on their part.
If love is something you require before you have sex, then own it. There is not a problem with that. You owe it to yourself to make 100% sure it’s the real deal before you make that decision.
This is your life, not anyone else’s. Make the right choices for you.
Tip #5: Do Not Date or Befriend a Narcissist
Friendships and relationships are important. If you avoid people who suck the life out of you, both will be much more rewarding. Click the link above to learn how to protect yourself from these people.
I’ve never been a super huge Beyonce fan, but this music video is pretty powerful and gives me chills. I mean, that “Single Ladies” video was fun and all, but it was nothing like this one; had Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift to say “If I Were A Boy” was one of the “best videos of all time” then maybe that whole spectacle wouldn’t have been so icky.
Sex and other sexual activity is supposed to be enjoyable; don’t let guys manipulate you or try and get you to feel bad about not wanting to go further than you want to. Instead of a guy getting pouty and mean about you not doing what he wants to do, how about turning it around on him and reminding him that a girl needs to be relaxed and “in the mood” in order to feel comfortable? Referring back to “Tip #2”, guys feel vulnerable when you tell them you’re not ready to go further.
The bottom line is don’t do something unless you want to do it!
In the film Mean Girls, Mr. Duvall (Tim Meadows) turns to Ms. Norbury (the great Tina Fey) to ask for help with the junior girls’ attitudes: “There has to be something you can say to these young ladies. Something to help them with their self-esteem?”
Ms. Norbury responds, “It’s not a self-esteem problem. I think they’re all pretty pleased with themselves.”
However, it has proven that it is, in fact, a self-esteem issue. Anyone who is mean to others for sport is unhappy. If you’re a truly happy person who is comfortable with yourself then you don’t have the desire to hurt anyone. Misery loves company. So that girl at school who seems so perfect and beautiful who is also nasty to other girls? She’s miserable. Just trust me on this.
Can I just say to all the girls out there…if you’re with a guy who groaned or made some crack during that little kiss…you’re with what we call a closet case. That’s the number one tip-off. Number two is if they freak out about gays in the military. You know, if they can’t discuss it without giggling about showering with guys…and bending over for soap and stuff. That’s not good. Real straight guys don’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about wet naked men, if you ask me.
-Dedee Truitt, voicing over a guy/guy kissing scene in one of my favorite films from high school “The Opposite of Sex”
A teenage girl who I adore and love mentioned to me last year, “You’re either a slut or a stuck up bitch…guys call you a slut if you do stuff with them but they call you a stuck up bitch if you don’t.”
By “do stuff” we can imagine this means any kind of sexual activity.
It can feel like a “lose-lose” situation with this one. But what you must remember is this kind of talk from guys is a display of insecurity; it’s a way for them to feel in control when in reality, they’re terrified. It’s much easier for douchey guys to call a girl a “stuck up bitch” than to look at himself and accept the fact that he’s been shot down by a girl he wanted.
As for being called a slut? It’s all about intimidation, control and impressing their guy friends. (Refer back to “Tip #1”, ladies…there are nice, decent dudes out there. They’re hard to come by when they’re teenagers, but they do exist.) Popular guys want to be accepted by their friends, end of story.
If you’re a popular girl, you’ll definitely need to move down a couple of ranks in the social hierarchy to find a decent guy worth dating. Popular boys are worthless.
Welcome to “Tips for Teen Girls”! Part satire, part real advice, part reminder that this chapter of your life will be over before you know it and life will get more rad. I’m older than you, I’ve been there. The advice will be practical and blunt, not condescending. I’m open to suggestions and questions. Let’s go!